Not-DevOps

Breaking: Sysadmin Achieves “Permanent Stability” by Scheduling Cronjobs on February 30th

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 00:00:00 +0000

In what insiders are calling “long-term thinking taken just a bit too far”, engineers worldwide have confirmed that scheduling cron jobs on February 30th is not a bug—it’s a feature.

“It’s a clean, intentional disable,” explained one senior SRE.
“No comments, no flags, no documentation needed. You just pick a date that doesn’t exist. Future-proof.”

For years, this technique has been quietly deployed in production systems:

Legacy cleanup scripts → February 30th
Dangerous database migrations → February 30th
That one job nobody understands → especially February 30th

“It’s perfect,” another engineer added.
“You don’t delete the job—you just move it… outside of reality.”

Chaos Engineering gone too far: Namespace deletion roulette

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Once upon a time, chaos engineering meant carefully injecting faults to test resilience. Thoughtful experiments. Controlled blast radius. Maybe unplugging a node while everyone watched nervously.

That time is over.

Welcome to Full-Send Chaos Engineering™, where the goal is no longer to learn, but to feel something again.

1. Namespace Deletion Roulette 🎯

Why waste time designing experiments when you can let fate decide? Namespace Deletion Roulette brings excitement back to your otherwise predictable production outages.

How Smart Businesses Make Money from App Delays: The Sleep() Trick Behind Success

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

In today’s competitive tech landscape, innovation is no longer about solving problems—it’s about creating just enough of them to monetize the solution.

Enter the revolutionary methodology: Delay-Driven Revenue Optimization (DDRO™).

The idea is simple: build a beautiful, scalable app… then quietly sprinkle in a few sleep() calls.

Not enough to break things. Just enough to make users sigh.

Phase 1: The Subtle Stall

At launch, everything works perfectly—within acceptable latency of the human soul.

The Art of Sabotaging Daily Stand-Ups: A Masterclass in DevOps Dysfunction

Sat, 14 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

In the thrilling world of DevOps, there exists a sacred ritual known as the daily stand-up meeting. While most teams strive for efficiency and collaboration, there are those rare few who have perfected the art of turning this simple gathering into a Kafkaesque nightmare. Strap in, because we’re about to embark on a journey through the worst way to conduct daily stand-ups!

Scheduling Shenanigans

First things first, let’s ensure nobody actually has time for this meeting. Schedule the stand-up at 4:45 PM, just before everyone’s desperate dash to leave the office. Throw in a dash of unpredictability by changing the meeting time every day, so your team can never really plan anything outside of work. After all, who needs a life outside the office?

DevOps Revolution: Converting Security Budget into a 'Hack Tax' Budget

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

In a bold and innovative move, our company has embarked on a DevOps transformation that has left many scratching their heads and others reaching for their wallets. We’ve proudly transitioned our security budget into a cutting-edge “Hack Tax” fund, and the results are nothing short of astounding.

The Concept: Paying Hackers Instead of Prevention

The concept is simple, really: why bother investing in those pesky security measures when we can just put that money aside to pay off hackers if and when they strike? After all, prevention is so last season. In the ever-evolving world of technology, why not embrace the chaos and unpredictability that comes with being perpetually vulnerable?

Mastering the Art of Writing Horrendous Post-Mortems: A DevOps Guide

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Ah, post-mortems, the time-honored tradition of blaming, finger-pointing, and conveniently ignoring your own mistakes. Why settle for constructive, productive post-mortems when you can excel at writing abysmal ones? Join us on this satirical journey as we explore the world of poorly written post-mortems, where chaos reigns supreme, and accountability is but a distant dream.

Skip the Introduction

Who needs context anyway? Jump right into the technical details without bothering to explain what went wrong or why it matters. Your readers will surely appreciate the enigma.

Catastrophic DevOps: How to NOT Manage On-Call

Thu, 12 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Ah, on-call duty, the crown jewel of modern DevOps. It’s like a never-ending adventure, where your pagers are your trusty sidekicks, and your sleep schedule? Well, who needs sleep anyway? In this guide, we’re going to explore the absolute worst ways to manage on-call, ensuring that your team’s misery knows no bounds. After all, who needs stability, sanity, or a good night’s sleep when you can embrace chaos and frustration?

Revolutionize Your DevOps Job Search with Our Disruptive Cover Letter Strategy!

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Tired of sending out cover letters and not receiving responses?

Fed up with the traditional recruitment game that leaves you feeling bored and overlooked?

Look no further! We’re here to introduce a fresh and disruptive approach to help you stand out in the competitive DevOps job market.

Cover Letter

Dear Recruiter,

I want to express my deep lack of interest in the position of DevOps engineer within your company. After carefully reviewing the job description, I am convinced that my technical skills and experience do not align with what you are looking for at all.

Agile Poker Planning: Where Random Estimations Lead to Random Outcomes

Thu, 05 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

In the fast-paced realm of software development, the agile methodology stands tall, promising adaptability, flexibility, and closer collaboration between development teams and stakeholders. At the heart of agile planning lies the widely adopted “Agile Poker Planning” technique. But hold on to your hats because we’ve just unleashed a game-changing twist that’s poised to disrupt the way you approach software estimation. Introducing the “Random Estimation” edition of Agile Poker Planning!

The Thrill of the Draw

Imagine this scenario: your agile development team assembles in a conference room, armed with decks of cards featuring numbers corresponding to story points. The objective? Estimate the complexity and effort required for each task. But predictable estimation methods are so yesterday. Instead, why not put your project’s destiny in the hands of chance?

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

About

Because sometimes DevOps deserves satire more than stress.

Some articles (well, all) may have been written with the assistance of large language models (LLMs).

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